Hello, chaps! Long time no see, eh?
Sorry about that. My computer is officially, and undeniably, dead and gone, and I shan't be getting a new one for a good bloody time.
In the meantime, I use what time I have to myself to steal my sister's (admittedly near-dead itself) computer.
Hence, this new entry (finally).
Got around to playing Halo REACH, and I have to say... it was the biggest waste of my time. I just don't like it; I've never liked the Halo games, nevermind my owning game 3, but this just confirmed why.
Oh, sure, you have nice graphics. So does every other game and its mother. What's that? New weapons? Whoop dee doo. Oh, you say multiplayer is superb? Gee, isn't it too bad that I don't give a bloody shite about multiplayer?
I played the campaign, and hated it from the word go. I don't wish to explain why, because I only have two hours to myself, and if I were to go into detail about all my problems... Let's just say, I'd get caught red-handed by my sister, three to four hours later, because I'd still be sitting here. It was bad, let me tell you.
*Cue rabid ball-happy fans of Halo throwing out empty death threats and acting like utter meatheads in the presence of somebody who knows a good video game when he plays one.*
Let's just segment what I hate about it, from all that I'm willing to talk about:
1. I hate the weaponry in this game. As in, I REALLY hate it. Scope-blooming, I don't mind. That's never been an issue for me before. Grenade bounce and damage radius? Meh. Modern Warfare 2 was worse. But I hate how lack-luster the weaponry department is, in a game where guns and cars are about the only real factor. It takes me three clips to take down one Elite, all shots hitting him in the head, yet one shot from an armor lock kills me? Might I please call bullshite here?
Before you get all rage-happy over these simple terms, take into effect that I had a sniper rifle. And my shots next to never miss with sniper rifles, so I was landing every shot.
2. I hate the maps. Yeah, I totally want to play sniper on a map as big as my thumb, who was the freaking moron who thought up THAT idea? Conversely: A pistol will TOTALLY be useful on a map bigger than three Frigates put together. The game creators really didn't possess any brains when making this game, I can tell. Then again, I was playing on mostly user-made maps that my friends forced me to play multiplayer to experience.
And that, lads, is the only time I will ever go on multiplayer.
3. I hate multiplayer. Do I really need to say it. The game is 80% Multiplayer.
4. I hate the space combat level. Bloody hell, I hate ALL the air combat levels.
5. I hate the scene where Noble 6 dies. It wasn't emotional, it made me laugh. I'd feel more sorry for her if her armor didn't make her look ridiculously fat, too.
6. Lord, do I ever hate the other players of this game. ... went up against players with really dumb names (none shall be mentioned), none of them knew how to play right, or if they did, they always screamed their success as if it was the best thing in the world. (Idiots.) And then they turn to me and start insulting my lack of kills because I was hiding behind something with a sniper rifle, picking people off from a safe distance.
"Ha! I have three hundred kills, you only have ten!" And I also never died. So, who loses here?
7. I'll just say it now, I hate the Announcer in this game. "Five. Minutes. REMAINING." I can see the clock, I'm not blind. And do I really need my ego boosted by "HEADSHOT!" or "DOUBLE KILL!" every time it happens? You know why I like Call of Duty over this game? Because it never shouted how cool I was. It gave me shiteloads of experience points (I was in multiplayer split-screen against myself just for the hell of weapon upgrades), and some cool (ACTUALLY COOL, might I add) music to boot. And if I leveled up, it didn't go "LEVEL UP!" in some faux Duke Nukem voice in order to make me feel special and GUHN EJIMUHCAYTID.
So, in short, I would give this game a two out of five, for the graphics and ragdoll hilarity. Nothing else.
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